gettincrunchy

Capricorn : You invented the phrase "politically correct." You think you are a classically chic success magnet. Actually, you are a dedicated social climber, who knows just enough about manners to eat with a fork and not blow your nose in public. However, you are such an accomplished bullshit artist that you successfully fake your way into the highest social circles. The quest for power drives you as forcefully as it does cousin Scorpio, however because your emotional nature is in hibernation, you suffer none of the Scorpion's passionate derailments on the way up the corporate ladder. Your business philosophy is that of the early railroad magnates. Kill what you can't buy off and stay on schedule. An unusual number of your sign have the same taste in food as your symbolic counterpart -- anything and everything. You equate exotic with animal parts that no one else will eat and are famous for inviting family and friends over for a home-cooked meal, then refusing to tell them what that is on their plates. A Capricorn invented the term chef's surprise. You are slow to anger because you consider yourself so superior to the rest of humanity that you rarely lower yourself to hold a two-sided conversation. You disregard any opinion except your own, and the most others can expect is a sour-faced glower and flick of your wrist as you dismiss them as blathering fools for whom you have no time. You are the late-bloomer of the zodiac. Astrologers kindly say that yours is the sign of reverse aging. What this really means is, as a child you sold tickets when your cat had kittens and played Foreclosure instead of Monopoly. And, when you reach the old folks' home your nickname will be either Baby Jane, because you swish through the halls in your tutu, or Letch, because it's finally dawned on you what playing doctor really meant in fifth grade and you're trying to make up for lost time. You are so conservative that you are two steps right of survivalist. You think fellow Goat Rush Limbaugh should be president, and you burned your Barry Goldwater campaign button when he publicly announced his support of gays in the military. Capricorn is the sign of the business tycoon, urban legend, hermit, Pope, and party pooper. Goats also make excellent personal shoppers and self-employed hit men. Ever the traditionalist, the latter subscribes to the work ethic of if you want something done right, do it yourself. At home you enjoy sitting on your four-thousand-dollar sofa (the one Libra couldn't afford) sipping rare wine and quietly conversing with friends. The facts that you have to strain to hear them over the crackling plastic cover and your bottle of 1969 Thunderbird has a rather piquant flavor doesn't bother you a bit. You are too busy pretending the portrait above the fireplace is your great-great-uncle John, whose blood was so blue he signed the Declarataion of Independence with it and no one was the wiser. You also have the strongest will in the zodiac. The only thing holding you back is yourself. Once you reconcile your emotional needs with your drive to succeed, nothing on Earth can stop you. In an argument there isn't a sign in the Universe that can top you

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